Defining your style in three words

Give this ChatGPT a movie scene and it'll guide you to your three style words.

If someone asked you to name a movie scene that feels like you, which scene would you choose? (From They Cloned Tyrone, 2023, Netflix)

It’s been nine months since I started this newsletter and I’m still finding my style.

So far, I’ve felt liberated by breaking out of my all-black rut and embracing color.

But I haven’t yet settled into what my style is. I’m still playing, I’m enjoying the process, and I don’t want to rush it. (Honestly, what a cool gift to give yourself when you’re in midlife.)

Eventually, though, I’d like to settle into my own vibe and have a “who’s that girl?” impact when I walk into a room.

For me, the journey’s always been about finding clothes that support my self-expression, and that requires some introspection. What self am I expressing?

Self is complex. It can be challenging to interpret your personality through your clothes, even when you have modest to good self-awareness.

I wanted to see if the Three Word Method could help.

Do you need a style method?

Do you need a method? My friend Nichole recently reminded me of the quote from Boogie Nights: “Wear what you dig. That’s it! Just wear what you dig!”

But sometimes a method is helpful.

Not every style method is right for your personality or your situation. Stylists are authoritative not necessarily because they believe their approach is absolutely the only way everyone should dress, but because they guide the people who believe that style philosophy is right for them. As a consumer, it’s better if you know yourself and what you need first.

For example, I love color so much, the constraint that color analysis provides helps me. (Plus, I do think I look good in deep winter colors.)

Color analysis alone doesn’t define my style, though.

Wardrobe editing methods like the Pareto Principle and the 333 Method (the 9-piece version and the 33-piece version) help you find clarity and focus when you’ve got a very full closet. That’s not where I’m at. I’m still building a wardrobe for the body I have today, and right now, my wardrobe is small.

Style literacy is a factor. (Is that a thing?) After watching a few shows, I feel like the Tibi Method is graduate-level style. I’m still a freshman.

I recently read about macaron dressing, a method that calls for wearing a messy layer sandwiched between fabulous, perhaps more structured pieces. I think whoever came up with this has never made macarons.

The experiment: Different approaches to the Three Word Method

I want a method that’s going to help me curate my wardrobe so it’s aligned with who I am and what I love—and so I don’t end up with a closet full of nothing to wear. That led me to try two different ways to come up with my three words.

The Allison Bornstein Three-Word Method

First I watched a video about Allison Bornstein’s approach to the Three Word Method—to choose three words, one practical, one aspirational, and one emotional—to define your personal style. (ICYMI, she developed the Three Word Method.)

The practical word comes from what you wear most out of your closet. Taking a look at my Indyx, I had to pick colorful.

The aspirational word comes from your inspo boards, like Pinterest. Mine reinforces colorful, but I also noticed most of my picks were fitted. So I chose tailored for my second word.

The third word is emotional: How I want to feel in my clothes. I’m going with grounded. I want to feel self-assured and confident, and connected with who I am and where I’m going. And I want people who see me to see that.

So: My three words by the Allison Bornstein method: Colorful, tailored, grounded.

I think these words reflect me, but they don’t give me all the flexibility I need. (What if one day I want to wear a neutral, monochrome, flowy outfit?)

The Fit Happens ChatGPT Three-Word Method

Next, I tried Aastha Gaur’s custom ChatGPT, the Fit Happens: Style Vibe Decoder, to identify my three words.

Her approach to the Three Word Method is different than Allison Bornstein’s. Aastha encourages you to get to the why behind the visual look you’re going for: “Visual words describe how an outfit looks. Mindset words describe how you show up inside the outfit.” (Read Aastha’s entire post, “How I made the three-word method work for me,” to learn more.)

She created a custom ChatGPT based on this approach, and using it is fairly fun. (I actually did it three times.)

It gave me different options to start the process. I chose two: “vibe associations” and the “intro circle.” Here’s the first part of the convo (the ChatGPT is in italics):

Part 1: The Intro Circle (Solo Version)

First, tell me a bit about yourself — enough that I can picture your energy. Things like:

• What lights you up?

• How do you like people to feel when they’re around you?

• What’s a phrase or vibe people have used to describe you (even casually)?

• Do you prefer ease or edge? Warmth or mystery? Chaos or control?

Once you share a little, I’ll give you 3 “outsider impression” words — not locked-in style words, just ones to react to.

I answered:

What lights me up: Sunshine. Friends & family. Old school R&B, like Stevie Wonder or Earth Wind & Fire. Warm cookies. New ideas, learning things. Modern art that’s bold and colorful.

How I like people to feel around me: Relaxed, comfortable, at home, at ease. Inspired. Themselves.

Words people have used to describe me: Easy to talk with. Entrepreneurial. Creative.

I prefer: Edge (that’s comfortable). Warmth. Controlled, planned, orchestrated chaos, like polyrhythmic music.

From there, and in subsequent interviews, I gave the GPT more inputs, things that feel like they have absolutely nothing to do with clothing style:

Emoji that feel like me: 🤔 and 🧐

Songs that feel like me:

And it asked me for “a movie scene that feels like you (visually, emotionally, energetically).”

I chose a scene from They Cloned Tyrone. Slick Charles (Jamie Foxx) and Yo-Yo (Teyonah Parris) are in a secret elevator descending into an unknown and possibly dangerous situation with Fontaine (John Boyega), who never cracks a smile. Slick Charles and Yo-Yo start singing to break the tension:

Some of the Style Vibe Decoder responses:

🎬 Movie Scene: Yo-Yo in the Elevator (They Cloned Tyrone)

Yo-Yo is fully present in the tension — but still finds the absurdity and humor in it. She’s not ignoring the weight, she’s transmuting it. That gives you:

Light-leader energy: pulling others through heaviness with wit, timing, and mood-shifting charisma.

Confident contrast: feminine but no-nonsense, grounded but sparkly.

Style read: possibly bold silhouettes, fun colors or textures, but never chaotic. There’s logic in the levity.

and:

🎶 Song Trio:

We Made It (Linkin Park + Busta Rhymes) → driven, gritty, triumphant. There’s hustle and refusal to shrink.

Like Sugar (Chaka Khan) → infectious, funky, movement-based joy. Total embodiment of color and groove.

Cozy (Beyoncé) → self-assured, protective, luxurious confidence. You own your skin.

Together these tell me:

You’re deeply self-rooted but not stiff.

You bring a heightened awareness to any space — whether through emotional read, visual styling, or sheer energy.

You’re not afraid to show joy in high-stakes moments, and that is power.

(Such a flatterer, Chatty!)

After some more back-and-forth with this ChatGPT, I came to these three style words that resonate with me: Magnetic, rhythmic, and rooted. I think these words also reflect the clothes I currently have.

Magnetic (pieces with presence):

Metallic vegan leather pants from The Gap; the Durham wool blend coat in cherry jam from Boden; and Ivie Leopard statement earrings from Symbols of Authority.

Rhythmic:

Sienna Silk Shirt in Poppy Red Terrace Swirl, and the Canonbury Striped Blazer, both from Boden (discontinued). Mad About You Long Sleeve Mesh Dress in Forever Young Check from Dressed in Lala.

Rooted:

Big Business Quilted Jacket from Yevu (discontinued) makes me feel rooted in my culture; Chunky Hoop Earrings from Boden because hoops are so classic. A velvet navy fitted blazer from White House Black Market that I found secondhand on ThredUp.

Now: I’ll put these three words to work as I continue to curate my wardrobe.