How Close are Your Clothes to Your True Self?

Imagine getting dressed and actually feeling like your whole wonderful self in your outfit. That’s the goal. Here's the first step.

First: If you’re a new subscriber, hello! You’re likely here after reading about my “born to break boundaries” custom tee, and about my dad, a military officer who encouraged me to pursue dreams and move past obstacles in my way.

This biweekly newsletter is about style and self-discovery during and after one of the most challenging personal transitions: Weight loss. (My 140-lb weight loss story’s here.)

I once thought of style as frivolous and indulgent.

But today, I know that if I’m going to take on the world, I’ve gotta walk out the door like a champion.

The impact of not seeing yourself in your wardrobe

So many of us who are or have been in larger bodies carry embarrassment, shame, and internalized weight bias.

The fashion industry is notorious for not producing plus-size clothes that allow people to express who they are or to feel confident.

Between these, it can be hard to speak up for yourself, lead, sell, negotiate, advocate, push obstacles aside, change the world, step out on a dance floor and shake your groove thing, or otherwise show up the way you need to.

…Or to even think you deserve to show up the way you’d like.

For years my only criteria for clothes was “Does it fit?”

At some level, I didn’t believe I had the choice of buying clothes that express who I am, and I wasn’t aware of how much I could expect from my clothes. Instead, especially as a child and teen, I felt I had no choice but to choose between clothes I didn’t like.

(I’m revisiting these common experiences because I believe change starts with acknowledging what’s going on. Whatever is true for you, recognize it and call it out.)

Once I started thinking about building a post-weight loss wardrobe, I wanted clothes that reflected my identity.

Who even am I, expressed in clothes?

So much of this journey is mental.

This quiz helped me reclaim the possibility of self-expression through style

Researchers measure how well our clothes reflect our self-identity using a proximity of clothing to self (PCS) scale.

I first came across it while reading Big Dress Energy by British fashion psychologist Shakaila Forbes-Bell.

It includes a list of statements and uses the Likert scale to rate whether and how much those statements are true for each person.

Statements like these from the PCS scale blew my mind—I hadn’t thought of my clothes in these ways:

• “I’m careful about buying from certain retailers because I want my clothes to align with my personal beliefs.”

• “I own clothes and accessories that remind me of happy moments in my life.”

• “I know how to control the way I’m perceived through my style.”

• “I use my clothes and accessories to express my culture.”

• “After I get dressed, I always check to make sure I feel comfortable.”

These were things I’d never expected from my clothes. I didn’t know I could.

The fashion industry doesn’t offer all of these opportunities in plus sizes.

I felt I’d been disconnected from the things a wardrobe can do besides hide me. And I began to want those empowered, personal connections.

The PCS scale helped set the tone for wardrobe building for me.

(I’m not striving to align my life with every statement in the survey. An example is “I always treat my skincare routine as an opportunity for self-care.” Cleansing and moisturizing my face doesn’t feel like self-care to me, at least not the kind I consider mentally and physically restorative.)

Where to take the PCS quiz for free

If you’d like to take the entire survey, there’s a free version online. Check out the Big Big Dress Energy Quiz on Dr. Forbes-Bell’s website (it’s inclusive of men and non-binary people as well as women). It’s 37 questions and there are no icky sales pitches at the end.

If you’re intrigued enough to pick up Big Dress Energy, let me know. I’m still finishing the book but eager to have a convo with others about it—maybe we can arrange a live bookclub-style event.

I’d like to ask a favor: My goal with re:dressing is to build a community for people who’ve been on a journey to lose significant amounts of weight.

There aren’t many people who truly get what it’s like, and I believe we can help each other find our power and be our best selves.

If there’s someone you know well who is going through weight loss and exploring their personal style, would you consider sharing this with them?

Thank you—and look for the next issue in two weeks.